Batten down the hatches, its August!
When I first moved to Italy I started a blog. Not this one, one which described the lives of myself and the other expats in the area. I gave each of them names to protect their identity, but what I didn't do was make up the stories...you really couldn't make them up!
That may have been quite a few years now, but in August I'm always reminded of this post. Surprisingly, something very similar is starting to happen again now with a new influx of faces, so I'm going to share the original post again, and who knows what will happen in the future.....
There are three reasons why, in August, it’s not safe to leave the house. One, at 54 degrees it’s just a tad hot, you should really be inside with all the shutters closed to avoid being boiled alive. Second, the Italians are on their holidays. This means that the driving standards, which are already pretty dire, deteriorate even further; the third reason is that it’s the annual ‘Augest Meat Up’.
Confused? Ok, well Augest, should really read August, slight error in the spelling there, but what about meat up? Is it a time where some of the best barbecued meat is served, or perhaps you can now order your Turkey in time for Christmas? No, it’s the annual ‘British’ get together, ‘Meat Up’ should actually be meet up, that’s the trouble when your Italian gets too good, you forget how to say things in English!
But there’s something amiss. Usually there are pages and pages of eager participants all wanting to ‘meat up’ with friends old and new. Last year it was at the beach, to show off the latest fashion in knotted hankies and sunburned legs, but this year it seems very quiet. In fact, there are only two pages on the forum, so what’s going on?
Well, it could be one of a few reasons. The organiser of these magnificent events, who lives in a far off land with no other Italglish friends, the author of the ‘Augest Meat Up’ posting, suggested that they visit the same restaurant which they has all enjoyed at the Easter get together. He does have an ulterior motive however; his friends own the restaurant, which means that he gets commission on the wine they sell as well as a free meal for himself and the wife. Perhaps the others have cottoned on?
Maybe its because they cant stand the sight of wrinkly old legs and rather large stomachs being aired for the first time this summer, or, that despite emigrating over 1,000 miles to a foreign land, they really don’t travel well on twisty roads so would like to try another venue. No…..some of them have thrown their toys out of the pram.
As well as the temperature getting rather hot, so have the tempers of some of the forum members, and there’s nothing like a sulky ‘queen’. The actor, half of the actor and the duchess combo from the rose tinted specs brigade, now incidentally a resident, has left his loved one back in the UK to sell their love nest and come over to embrace the lifestyle in Italy. The actor is now officially a writer, and he is more than happy to pull to pieces the websites of other forum members, and that includes Jim’ll Fix It.
Oh dear, feathers have flown. Jim very kindly helped out yet again with some very useful advice, this time on how to make pasta sauce in enough quantities to last throughout the winter. The actor/writer, from now on known as The Queen, then attacks him for leaving out some of the steps. Jim gets a bit miffed and replies, and then the Queen reads through Jim’s entire website and rips it to shreds. Now nobody is speaking (figuratively as this is all on the web) and a little offshoot, of three including the Queen, have decided to go it alone. They are making big plans to visit the local pizza restaurant which means they don’t have to travel too far, what’s the betting Jim’ll Fix it turns up for a fight.